A Submissive's Life, the Early Years

Forced to kiss her sex

My addiction to humiliation started before I was mature enough to have an emission of cum when I climaxed. I can remember lying in bed with my PJs and little tidy whitys pulled down to my knees and me rutting against the sheets as jacking off was a trick to be learned later. Every night it was the same fantasy, Bonnie from the corner, older and bigger than me, had me on the ground and her knees on my shoulders. She'd put her play-dress over my head and then press that place where she peed on my face. Completely helpless and unable to stop her I had to allow her to rub my face in her pee hole ( I was far to inexperienced to know that there was anything else between a girls legs). I would rub my face in my pillow and my little penis on the sheets until suddenly I would have a dry climax. After, with my passion drained I would feel total embarrassment for allowing myself to be bullied by a girl.

I was raised in a neighborhood of all girls and if I wanted someone to play with I had to follow 'girls rules' and play girls games. Of course I was the odd ball and so they all picked on me, if I retaliated they would tell my mother and she would punish me and tell me that I was a boy and therefore I had to be nice to girls. Where all my friends at school played cowboys and indians or baseball at home, I had no choice but to play house or hopscotch and jump-rope. The one game they liked to play that I did enjoy was doctor. Bonnie's dad built her a playhouse and we all spent a lot of time playing doctor there. She was always the doctor and of course I was always the patient and no matter the ailment, the treatment involved me exposing myself and her examining my genitals. She seemed fascinated by how easy it was to inflect pain by squeezing my testicles, often so hard she would make me cry. She sometimes would make one of the other girls be the patient and would then pull up her dress to expose her panties (in those days little girls always wore dresses). Many times she would  put her hand inside the girls undies but she never pulled them down the way she did to mine. When I begged one of the girls to let me peek, Bonnie said that boys were not allowed to see inside girls panties.

One summer morning I went to Bonnie's playhouse to find her there alone. She gave me an evil smile when she saw me and I remember being frightened that she was going to hurt me. She walked over to me, lifted her dress up, then took my hand and held it to her crotch. I felt my little penis turn to stone in anticipation of what was going to happen. I looked to see her panties turning wet and then my hand as she urinated through her panties and onto my hand. I tried to pull back my hand but she held it in place tightly until she had finished. When she let go I turned around and ran as I heard her laughing behind me.
After that morning, I never went back to Bonnie's house but it seemed that every time I'd see the neighborhood girls they'd look at me then whisper to each other and laugh, so I'm sure that Bonnie told them what happened.

As an adult I'm sure that Bonnie is at least in a D/S relationship or maybe even a professional dominatrix, something I know she would be good at. As for the other girls who were at least as meek as I, two I can see now are lesbians and the other one probably is in a relationship with a strong willed man who just uses her. As for me, my teen and young adult years were totally conflicted as I tried to hide my desire to be humiliated by dating submissive plain Janes while fantasizing about being dominated by a strong woman. Too shy and intimated to try even a kiss I remained a virgin until I met Mary. She took the lead and I followed gladly as she seized my virginity and let me explore all that she had under her panties. Head over heels in what I thought was love I soon asked her to marry me and she excepted.

I will try to explain my stormy marriage in another post